And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. I see the funny side of life more and more. 109. I never apologize. Your email address will not be published. 202. They planet. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. 130. 84. 76. 137. Funny Friday Quotes. Does it count if you say them in your mind? I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. If only common sense were more common. 36. 260. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Best friends eat your food. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. My cankles will hold me. Steven Wright, 252. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. 117. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 179. Socrates. 38. 42. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. 148. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 3. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. It makes them so damned mad. 146. 275. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 72. 7. 6. 228. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 40. - Roy T. Bennett. 17. When nothing is going right, go left. 167. 267. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 155. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. How do trees access the internet? Effective pushing often involves poop. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Education cost money. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. 123. Swimming trunks. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. 279. The only power you have is the word no. 190. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Positive mindset affirmations. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. The best things in life are free. 100. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. 1. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 65. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 264. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. I believe in what's possible for me. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 39. Use this space for describing your block. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. A mind is like a parachute. 2. 103. 27. Never judge a book by its movie. 157. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. 273. 266. ~ Bill Gates. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 201. 169. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 212. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . I tried, but they wanted cash. Sometimes I am so freaking awesome, I blow my own mind. Unknown. 172. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. How do trees access the internet? I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 224. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. We have a connection. 61. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. There are endless opportunities. 3. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 239. In between, I am alive. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. The rest are too expensive. Franklin Jones, 259. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. I dont worry about getting older. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Laughter brings me closer to people. But you can always be immature. 12. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. They log in. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 8. Why cant you trust an atom? Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 81. 149. 247. 14. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 209. 183. 59. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 31. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 180. 237. Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. How do you count cows? 92. Make it inspiring. I make the right choices every time. ". Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 22. 68. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. 184. Can February march? 65. 182. My jokes do. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. We all need a little energy boost here and there. Edward A. Murphy You wanna know who Im in love with? Your values become your destiny. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. George Burns I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Frances McDormand, 42. 26. 93. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. Its okay if people dont like me. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. 78. 208. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 151. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. Bill Murray All you need is love. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Funny Affirmations. 267. 25. 51. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". Life is becoming easier and less serious. 128. 197. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. How do astronomers organize a party? 207. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 120. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Why did the school kids eat their homework? This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. Hes dreaming too. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 59. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 7. 1. 34. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 181. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 189. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. 56. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. East Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. 62. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 100. I see food, and I eat it. 154. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Its okay, he woke up. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Because seven ate nine. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 192. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Nobody gets out alive anyway. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Life always offers you a second chance. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. 30. 39. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Gary Delaney, 248. No, but April may. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. 5. 21. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. 183. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If only common sense were more common. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. 38. 47. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Ann Landers 37. I thought you said extra fries. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. 273. I try to see the funny side of every situation. - George Burns. Happy Birthday.". I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt.